Three Cups of Tea - A book review...

Three Cups of Tea ~ Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin.


Relin has obviously been commissioned to write this book for the Central Asia Institute as a PR and outreach tool. This, however, does not take away anything from the phenomenal and towering achievements of one man’s determination and passion.
Greg Moretenson’s failed attempt to scale the much dreaded K2 is a wonderful story by itself. Had he actually failed to scale it, it would have been one thing…but he summoned up and used every last bit of his strength and energy, not to make the last few metres of the ascent, but to rescue and evacuate another member, Etienne, who had climbed too quickly and collapsed. In the hours after Greg and his three climbing partners heroically evacuate the Frenchman, Greg is lost in the maze of the Baltoro glacier and accidentally wanders into a small hamlet called Korphe. This turn of events, becomes the defining moment in Greg Mortenson’s life.
Relin has brought to life, the harsh and dramatic terrain as well as the hardy, stoic and incredibly patient people who live there, with elegance and economy. Greg’s recuperation period in Korphe slowly steers his life in a completely different direction – a passion for mountaineering and a training in emergency nursing, become mere milestones in his new calling. Three Cups of Tea is an unfolding saga of one man’s relentless pursuit of his dream for others….
The book spans almost a decade of painfully slow “three steps forward, two steps back” dance that Greg is lead into, and that is typical of the bureaucracy that exists even in India. What surprised me was the complete absence of any local NGO or Pakistani facilitation agency. Since we (India and Pakistan)a re such close neighbours, I am tempted to juxtapose the situations and I wonder if any humanitarian effort undertaken directly and without the aid of such NGO’s might not be more effective, even in India…
Parts of the book were stark reminders of how much the US Foreign Policy has contributed to the mess in Central Asia. Reminded me of the movie ‘Charlie Wilson’s War’…! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0472062/
The book covers too many regions and too long a time period…perhaps it would have been easier in two parts. But then again, as an effective outreach tool for CAI, one book does make more sense than two. It reads in parts like a fantastic adventure and in parts like a painstaking record of events. Having said that, Three Cups of Tea is an enduring lesson in humility and passion.
One of my favourite passages from the book is the last paragraph of Relins preface – “…. If we American’s are to learn from our mistakes, from the flailing, ineffective way , we, as a nation, conducted the war on terror after the attacks of 9/11, and from the way we have failed to make our case to the great moderate mass of peace-loving people at the heart of the Muslim world ,we need to listen to Greg Mortenson. I did, and it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life”

The Book Club

We are 5 women in the book club.

Other than that, the one thing that is common to us all is that our husband’s play golf. It would be natural to assume that the book club was a natural fall out of a handful of intelligent women forced to come together on the odd social occasion and be left cold by all the golf-talk…


There are two four balls here, so that is 8 golfers, 7 wives and a brand new addition, a fiancée!! Two of the women are golfers, one has/is trying her hand at it (that’s because she is married only recently!!!) and the others – well, I would dare to assume that like me, they look upon the pursuit with the same indifferent indulgence as they would a dog chasing cars….

Here's the thing, though. Eight couples getting together… all intelligent, well placed, well educated, well spoken, well informed and well read. All the wives have full and vibrant lives, managing careers, activities, homes, and kids. Golf not being the primary focus, often leads me to wonder, why we choose to socialize in the company of these very raucous and out of control men...

Having said that, they do make a rather endearing and entertaining bunch... Frank outspokenness seems to be the main distinguishing character of the men…which is just a fancy way of saying they have full license to abuse each other, albeit tongue in cheek, verbally, without the fear of anyone taking offence. The conversation is always electric – the atmosphere charged with the combined intelligence and sharp wit and the laughs many and full bellied...Everybody’s tongues are further loosened by the generous lubrication provided by the alcohol and the food, always – but always very lovingly and thoughtfully prepared and served.

It’s not as though these evenings leave the women cold...oh no…!!! They are much too much fun! But they happen primarily because of the guys’ bonding over golf and even though I can honestly say that there is genuine affection amongst us all - it really is about the GOLF. The book club is our forum to meet and not have golf as a reason to do so.

The book club came about for this and many other more substantial reasons. Four months and four books down the road the reasons matter no more. We are all set to take this commitment to a better and higher place. We want a name first of all. Then we want our own web-site and we want to start a blog that will feature our individual reviews for the chosen book. We have found Malaka Spice (Pune’s favourite south East Asian specialty restaurant) a most rewarding and convenient place to meet in, and not least because chef Cheeru provides us with some really exotic and creative cocktails! Featuring some tid-bit about the cuisine/food and the cocktail of the evening seems like a neat way to spice up our reviews and the website….!

Our discussions strangely, do not stray too far or too long from the book...reading up on book clubs on the internet I discovered that most book-clubs do confess to making the book an “also-ran” during the discussion meetings! We seem to be serious about enjoying the book club and all it has to offer and hey…! I love us…!!!!

Of books and reading....

The other day, I came across a really well written article, where the author actually pondered whether the current trend of every tom, dick, Harry, and Arnold jumping on the “I am a writer” band wagon, was not a shade worrisome, and even distasteful. They internet has made writers of us all…yours truly being no exception. The internet has also made redundant, in some cases the need to have an agent, an editor and even a publisher. And finally, the internet has also made redundant, the need, in some cases, to have any real talent for writing….Not everything that was written in ages past was brilliant. There must have been scores of mediocre writers even then. But the sheer volume of material that is now available - thanks to the internet, makes one wonder, does there need to be a licensing authority that can actually function as a means of quality control and should there be some basic skill that one must prove to posses before they go writing all over the place about anything that comes to their mind? We get drivers licenses, don’t we? And they are revoked if we drive irresponsibly, aren’t they? Or should anyone who has something to say, be allowed, democratically, to say it, regardless of how badly it may be written or how irresponsibly…???

The answer to that question (largely rhetorical!) is not going to save or change the world…!! It does bear thinking about though…

I grew up with an understanding that reading the "classics" would help me build character...I completely get it, that the classics defined for my generation were different, very different, than those that were considered mandatory reading for say two generations before me...But I did labour through "Tale of Two Cities" and "Three Musketeers" and "Little Women" to name just a few. I laboured through them, was intrigued by them, revisited them at a later stage in life, and had much to gain from my relationships with these works and their authors. I have lost count, literally, of the number of times I have read “Little Women” and “Pride and Prejudice”. For more contemporary reading, "Catch 22", "One flew over the Cuckoo's nest", "To kill a Mockingbird", "Catcher in the Rye" “The World According to Garp” – these are all brilliantly crafted, evocative and engrossing modern day classics and they too had something to say that resonated with the times and life of the last century.

I do not consider myself a particularly well read person. I am an avid reader though, and fairly open to the entire smorgasbord of literary experiences that can be availed of….However, I failed miserably on a test recently that quizzed you about essential reading as defined by the BBC….!! I consoled myself by saying that even though I had not read 70% of the books prescribed by the BBC as essential reading, I had read enough to snook a crook of a different kind to those who had plowed through “Complete works of Shakespeare” or “Iliad”

What then are the classics for today's teens? With all this writing going on, who is telling stories that teach the timeless values that have defined the very evolution and existence of the human being over the last few decades? Or is that being left entirely to video games, internet social networks and cinema...?!?!

Life is So Beautiful

Life is so beautiful…

Samata, a schoolmate and a very dear friend, recently lost her 72 year old mother-in-law to a month long, silent and comatose battle with a particularly aggressive brain tumor. Against medical advice and in the face of much protesting from friends and family, a decision was taken to put an end to her suffering. All medical intervention was brought to a halt, allowing her a peaceful passage to the world beyond.

Samata shared a truly unique, rich and close relationship with her, and I know, is grieving deeply at this loss. Amina, Priya and I, all schoolmates, called on her and her husband Rajeev, the day after the funeral. This is the outcome of the most profound condolence visit ever –

Here are two people, still reeling under the shock of having lost what was the glue in the fabric of their small family. Somehow, sitting with Rajeev and Samata that morning I felt nothing but an undeniable affirmation of the sheer beauty of life. At the end of that visit, all three of us were richer for the experience and carried in our hearts something of this wonderfully strong, fiercely independent yet enormously warm, generous and giving person who had passed on.

What came across was this – some people are blessed with, or have worked hard to cultivate, a strong divine or spiritual intelligence. Samata and Rajeev are surely such blessed souls. Their bereavement was evident, but they did not feel the need to adorn it with a dramatic angst or torment. Instead, they spoke of the month long ordeal in quiet tones and with an understanding of life and spirit that eased my soul. I felt hope well up in my heart when they spoke of struggling to put aside all conventional wisdom and think, instead, of what their mother would have wanted…..

When is the right time to accept that the body is mortal and must perish one day? What makes us hold onto our loved ones, putting them through the unspeakable horrors of surgeries, intravenous feeds and ryals tubes and ventilators? Is it just the intimidating medical fraternity? Is it friends and family who are, perhaps, telling you what they THINK you might want to hear? Is it our love for them, our fear of facing life without them, and our need for them to keep our life as unchanging as possible? Or is it our guilt…guilt at having allowed a fractured relationship to stagnate and letting small emotional injuries and bitter resentments find a home in our own hearts?

I am told there is a forum that meets in Pune every three months to discuss death and dying with dignity. I laud this effort. While this isn’t about making a case for either euthanasia or assisted suicide it is about recognizing an individual’s right to choose to die with dignity and in peace. Who dictates this choice? Is it the doctors? Or do we still have a say in the matter?

We have, as a human race become so defined and driven by the wonders of medical science that we have sadly lost a precious middle ground that connects our daily lives to our spirit. Death is the new scary bogey-man and talk of it is shunned as ill-fated and ominous. Children are shushed and reprimanded when they talk of it. But there is a time and place for it. An elderly parent needs to be able to say to his or her child “Son if I should be unlucky enough to suffer a terminal disease, I would not wish my life unreasonable prolonged by irrational medical intervention” Of course this is immediately open to all sorts of interpretation, but can we please not swing from one extreme to another? Can we please expend some effort to find a reasonable balance between giving up prematurely and persisting – foolishly, against all odds?

Being happy and Dying- these are perhaps the only two certainties in our life and the only ones that we do not prepare for… Dignity of a person, even in his or her last days is something we need to wrest from the medical community. A full, rich and well lived life is sometimes robbed of its value by the interminable suffering brought on by desperate medical intervention. What is doubly tragic is that it is oftentimes beyond the ailing persons’ control, and sometimes beyond even their knowledge. At what cost must life be sustained?

I do not mean to be morbid and neither do I mean to belittle the medical fraternity, but there is something here that we are missing ….We need to think about how we would wish to be treated, in a strictly medical sense, should we be unfortunate enough to suffer a long debilitating illness. We need to be able to speak about this frankly and without dread, to our parents, our children, our siblings and our spouses… We need to know that we do have the power to make the decision that deeply and irreversibly impacts our life and our dying.

Every person is rare and unique. Yet one grudgingly accepts that there are some who are rarer and more unique than others. Mandakini Malaviya nee Godbole was one such person. An avid bonsai cultivator, the large Malaviya Bungalow is a lush testimony to her talent and skill. She was also a kathak dancer, having trained and worked with renowned Kathak Guru, Rohini Bhate. If Rajeev and Samata were to sum up the power and the love that was Mandakini Malaviya, they would say she was the most thoughtful, considerate, bighearted, and helpful person….who always gave a one hundred percent to everything she did. And she deserved the same selfless understanding and consideration from them in those last critical hours.

Rajeev and Samata gave us something very precious that day. We need to love, respect and dignify every single person in our life while they are alive and well. That is what will give us the strength and courage to let them go with dignity and grace.

This, I believe is important.